


Water Fountain

by idonthavelungs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Stanford, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 19:11:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17209295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idonthavelungs/pseuds/idonthavelungs
Summary: The first time Sam hears Dean say it, in that way, he’s pretty sure he’s not even supposed to hear it.





	Water Fountain

**Author's Note:**

> The song is Water Fountain by Alec Benjamin 
> 
> This whole thing stems from my idea that their water fountain would be the Impala.

_ She told me that she loved me by the water fountain _

 

The first time Sam hears Dean say it, in  _ that _ way, he’s pretty sure he’s not even supposed to hear it. Sam’s curled up next to Dean in the back of the Impala, trying to sleep and keep warm. Dean’s watching him, probably thinking he’s asleep, and Dad’s too focused on the road to pay attention to them. 

 

Dean strokes Sam’s hair and places a gentle kiss on his forehead, then he leans really close —probably so Dad won’t hear— and whispers those words, “I love you, Sammy.” There’s something different about the way he says it this time, it’s not as if Sam hasn’t heard his brother say those words a million times before, but this time it doesn’t sound the same. This time Dean says says it like it’s a secret, something dad can’t know, something no one can know.

 

_ She told me that she loved me and she didn't love him and that was really lovely cause it was innocent _

 

When Sam sees Dean with a girl, kissing a girl, while she leans against the Impala, it’s almost as if his heart starts on fire. It’s not like he didn’t know Dean dated people, he’s not stupid, he’s just never really cared that much before. He really cares now though. It’s only been two weeks since that night, and yeah it’s possible Sam could have read that wrong, but that’s seriously doubtful. 

 

Dean stops when he sees Sam trying to sneak into the motel room without being seen. His eyes are full of regret. He tells the girl to leave, and that makes Sam feel less horrible, but then Dean says he’ll see her later, which probably isn’t true but it still hurts. 

 

“You’re my brother, I promise I’d never replace you Sammy. She doesn’t matter, I love you, only you.” He leans back against the car, trying to seem casual, but Sam can tell just like he could two weeks before. When Dean says it he means it, he really means it.

 

_ But now she's got a cup with something else in it _

 

Dean discovers alcohol as a coping mechanism for their lifestyle, and that scares Sam more than any monster ever has. The thought of his brother out there getting drunk, spending time with all those girls and boys that throw themselves at him. Girls and boys that are prettier than Sam, older than Sam, not related to Dean. Those girls and boys are so much more than Sam could ever be, they’re what Dean wants. He doesn’t want to lose the one person he can depend on, the one person he cares about more than anything.

 

_ It's getting kind of blurry at a quarter past ten and he was in a hurry to be touching her skin _

 

He keeps stumbling into their motel rooms late at night. Sometimes he’s alone, but there’s two different shades of lipstick on him and his clothes are rarely on correctly. Other times he’s not alone and Sam pretends he’s asleep, pretends it doesn’t hurt so fucking much. Dad always ignores it and Sam really wishes he wouldn’t.

 

_ She's feeling kind of dirty when she's dancing with him _

 

There are times when Sam thinks Dean feels bad, they don’t last very long, but they happen. Dean will just stare for a while, or randomly tell Sam that he loves him, those moments are the best to Sam. But they always end too fast, Dean always ruins it, starts talking about some guy he hooked up with the night before or some girl that gave him eyes at a gas station.

 

_ Forgetting what she told me by the water fountain _ __   
  


The drinking and sex kept getting harder for Sam to deal with. By the time Sam’s accepted to Stanford he’s hopelessly in love with Dean and looking for an out, it hurts to be near his older brother and it fucking sucks. Dean stopped using the word love almost a year before, he stopped seeming like he cared not long after.

 

All he wants is Dean, but that can never happen. Sam misses the days when he could lay against Dean in the backseat of the Impala, everything was so much easier then. Now those days seem like a dream, a fantasy he could never experience again. 

 

When he picks that fight with Dad he knows what he’s doing, he knows it isn’t going to end well and he kind of wants that. He knows leaving hurts Dean a lot, but that’s his own fault. Maybe if Dean hadn’t pretended that one night in the Impala didn’t happen, then Sam might have stayed, but Dean kept acting like he wasn’t in love with Sam and that’s why leaving was the only option.


End file.
